Wall Street Journal Essay on Chinese Parents vs. Western Parents

A Facebook friend read the following essay in the Wall Street Journal and asked me for my thoughts.  The article is by Dr. Amy Chua and is very thought provoking.  The link to the article is http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?mod=WSJ_Books_LS_Books_2

I was not actually shocked. I heard Chinese parents are far stricter than Western parents, but had no idea it was such a stark difference.  It was an absolutely fascinating read and one I will give great thought to. 

I think I am most surprised at the reaction of Western parents to Dr. Chua’s parenting skills. She was severely criticized and viewed with considerable skepticism as noted in her essay. It is unfair and certainly not warranted.  First, it is very hard to argue with her success.  Second, who bears the wisdom to pass such a harsh judgment on another parent’s choices?  I suspect her daughters respect elders, are intelligent, curious and kind.  Is that not the goal of almost every parent? So why question her method?  She and her husband can take great pride in her kids and celebrate their current and future successes. 

You must congratulate Dr. Chua on her laser devotion and work toward her goal. I greatly respect and appreciate all the sacrifices she has made for her children.  After I read that I consider Dr. Chua part warrior and part drill sergeant. I admire anyone, any culture or organization that can instill a warrior ethic into people and it continues to succeeding generations.  Her column reminds me of the Whig Party platform (just read a very interesting article in the National Review) and parallels I noted to the teachings of Gov. John Winthrop and the New England Puritans.

Dr. Chua’s section about working with Lulu is quite touching.  She shows a great love and concern for her children.  She reinforces a belief that I have long held, a mother’s love for her children is unchallenged by any force in the universe, including a husband.

Of course you must accept that achieving the highest grade is THE most important achievement of a child. Perhaps this is the most significant difference between how Western and Chinese parents view success and she eloquently details in her essay.  I cannot speak for all Western parents and would never presume to.  But from my perspective, I want my kids exposed to many activities, sports, and disciplines.  As a parent, it is important to me that my kids learn not only basics, but soft skills as well.  Sometimes you have to let a child discover his or her passions and pursue them to whatever the end maybe.  You offer help and guidance and try to provide some level of structure. But I think that life offers more than just achieving the highest grades and work.

As a parent, I am a product of my family and upbringing. My mother is an artist. I do not use that term loosely, she was a successful commercial artist for decades. My father also has a creative streak and an athlete. I am not creative like my parents or sister nor am I an athlete.  However, I want my kids to experience art and music. Soft skills are an essential part of a child’s upbringing. So dating and sleepovers are encouraged. It exposes my kids to other parents, kids, and cultures.  My wife and I encourage my children to participate in sports.  My son earned a black belt and lettered in cross country. He also runs track. I think that builds a sense of teamwork. My daughter dances.  She competes as a soloist, duo, trio and troupe.  My son participates in forensics, goes to speech tournaments, and has acted in plays. He has a talent for it, but perhaps not a strong passion.

I agree with Dr. Chua on two key and important points.  I too roll my eyes (and sometime shake my head) when I hear "Everyone is special in their special own way," It makes me think of the best lines from the Disney movie “The Incredibles”. The mother tells the super fast son that he really should not run track because he is so fast.  She adds that everybody is special. Her son’s response is that if everyone is special then no one is special.

The second point I agree with her on is that Chinese parents dearly love and cherish their children. They choose a different method child rearing.  It makes me admire the U.S. when I think about what that means.  So many interesting cultures, each one contributing to the great amount of knowledge, and available to each U.S. citizen (yes, I know that is naive, but I stand firm). Equally wonderful, Chinese parents and Western parents are both right.  We both seek to raise a generation superior to ours.

Dr. Chua and I could have a stimulating and rewarding conversation about the way each of us parents our children. I know I could learn a lot from her and perhaps she could learn one or two minor points from me.

POSTSCRIPT:   I emailed Dr. Chua my essay and included a paragraph about my family.  She sent me back a kind and generous response.  I learned that her essay is based on her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, It is not a book about parenting, but rather a memoir.  She describes it as deadpan and makes fun of herself.  She goes into great detail about her successes and mistakes as a parent.  Interestingly enough, in the last third of her book she writes about her decision to be less strict with her daughter Lulu.  But, most importantly, the “Wall Street Journal” editors selected the title of her essay, not Dr. Chua. After receiving her email, I can see it is not a title she would write or endorse. Shame on the "Wall Street Journal" editors for generating such unnecessary controversy.